Confessions

I saw a woman walking her pet ferret today, and that’s not a figure of speech. She had a ferret on a leash, and at the moment I saw her I realized how weird the world is on Saturday morning and decided I would never again wake up before ten on the weekend to go grocery shopping. It was a very worthwhile trip though (here’s where you’re thinking, “He’s not actually going to tell me all the stuff he bought at the grocery store, is he? I mean, he’s in Europe, surrounded by thousands of years of culture and history, and he’s going to tell me about how his groceries all have weird names, like ‘Frosties’ instead of ‘Frosted Flakes’). If that is indeed what you were thinking, you were right! And it’s remarkable that you knew the name of the Frosted-Flakes-like cereal over here, because they are called Frosties! And they have Tony the Tiger and everything!

I won’t tell you everything I bought, but I will tell you that the chocolate-covered digestive biscuits, which I first thought were for old people, and later realized were delicious and good for you, are not actually good for you. When they were first invented, they were meant to relieve flatulence, but they failed miserably and just turned into an inaccurately-named cookie. Which means, while I eat them three at time, I can’t pretend I’m doing it for the health benefits. The truth is painful sometimes.

After putting away my groceries, I took a short, one-stop tube trip to Stratford to scout out some hotels my parents may patronize when they come to visit me in March. The Stratford tube station is a very grand place. The station is very modern with high ceilings and railways going every which way. There is some type of major bus depot outside also, with information kiosks and fancy bus stops and all kinds of nonsense. It’s all very impressive. I was pretty impressed with Stratford as a whole, actually. It’s a very clean area (like much of London) with a large shopping centre (notice the British spelling), a gorgeous church and a small, friendly commercial district. The hotel my parents should patronize is right across the street from the church. It’s in a great location, only about a quarter of a mile from the tube station.

You won’t believe what happened to me tonight. I got stuck in an elevator for about an hour. I was stuck in between floors one and two in my own building, and it was only due to the incessant company of my new friends that I kept from going insane in that enclosed space. You may not want to know this, but I peed in a bottle. I had no choice. I had to go very badly, and unfortunately I was stuck in an elevator. So yes, I peed in a bottle. It was a strange experience, to be sure. But I still can’t believe it happened. My friends on the outside of the elevator played the blues on harmonica and guitar while I sang the “Elevator Blues” to keep from losing my mind. It was actually a pretty enjoyable experience, and definitely one I will remember for a long time to come.